Heraldic Claptrappery

Sir Bard S thought you'd get a kick out this. I am not so sure, but here it is anyway: a "spec" entry in the coat of arms design contest, if there ever is one. It's long. I'll keep a copy. Probably too boring for network.

Crest: Shrimp gules "en brochette" saltire sur la toque de chef pommes frits (cooked shrimp skewered on crossed cocktail picks sitting on a Fatburger frycook's hat). The crest is the symbol that sits on top of the shield, or on top of your helmet whilst jousting if you're a knight.

Shield: On a field argent, at least 6 small fleurs-de-lys vert chevron, in the "missing man" formation with nothing at the apex. This is symbolic of Tripod, little green letters on a white background, and "inadvertently deleted by the AS" comments. Or, the fleurs-de-lys can be a background pattern - this is evidently called "Fleurty" which struck me funny.

Superimposed on this background: 3 large rampant shrimp gules en brochette on a foil sable bend sinister (ie., 3 more cooked shrimp on a black fencing sword, angled from lower left to upper right). I just realized that the foil should be grasped by a mailed fist. More symbolism.

Motto (goes on a banner below): something classy in Latin or French, such as "Mon droit et mon shrimp," or "And so you must die!" et cetera.

Alternate: 3 crossed cocktail picks, forming a tripod, on top of which sits a rampant shrimp.

The link leads to a funky flash site with a tutorial for designing and describing heraldic devices. I also checked the Burke's Peerage site (where else?) because I couldn't remember all the fancy French heraldic terms.

On a trip to England last fall, we saw coats of arms that were 3-dimensional carved wood sculptures displayed in the chapel of the Order of the Garter in Westminster Abbey - pretty swank stuff, but probably beyond the scope of this little caper.